2011 In Review

I thought I would start this blog post by using a picture of Kathleen Cleaver...again.  I decided to go with this picture because I wanted to do something differently; I wanted to start the year off, not by stressing what I've been through in terms of pain, and uncontrollable joy, but I want to start things off by stressing who I wanted to become! And I want to become my own Kathleen Cleaver!  I love the attitude of Kathleen because she's the no nonsense type of sistah that can hold her own in a male dominated organization, and not just any organization, but the Black Panther Party!  Me and my good friend David is trying to start another Movement to restore our people to their former greatness, and we both share the ideals that the Panthers from back in the day had.  And we also share that passion!  David is already his own Bobby Seale, and I've been compared to Angela Davis, but I've sometimes felt guilty about that.  The reason why is because Angela Davis is this great woman that actually put her actions where he mouth was, she DID something about a problem she saw in this country! She was, and is, so VERY passionate about that cause and she is willing to die for that cause!  I share her same passion and vigor, but I feel as if I have done nothing to help the Black community!  I mean, I am VERY willing to go out and do something, but I always let my fears get the best of me, and I back down because I'm scared to SPEAK UP afraid of what people might think of me or what I say.  People tell me that they like the fact that I just don't sit around complaining about the problems in the Black community, but I actually do something.  That could be true, and I might just be selling myself short.  One of the things that David said that stayed on my mind is the fact that we need to give ourselves credit, and David definitely gives himself credit for the things that he's doing; he even told me that he KNOWS that what he's doing IS RIGHT, and he's absolutely right about that!  I guess I've been so scared that I would seem self centered, but being confident and SURE in what you are doing that you know no other way and you will work till the death of you to make sure that dream comes true is not being self-centered!  I bet Kathleen Cleaver knew that, and I'm going to have to say that to myself right here and right now!
"Blackness, what do you want to do?"

"I want to start a Revolution! I want to revolutionize the way Black people see this so called land of the free and home of the brave!  I want to work to advance my People! I want to educate my People! I want to provide resources for my People so that they may have the same opportunities as others! I want call out the oppressors that are trying to weaken us to oblivion!  I want to bring an awareness to the injustice that we face daily in the Black community!  Most importantly, I want to give POWER back to the People! Ya, dig?!"

"So I ask you this Blackness, and before you answer please take some time to REALLY think about it, but do you think what you want to do is right?"

"Do I think what I want to do is right? Do I think that there is absolutely nothing else that would give me the most satisfaction? Am I willing to die for this?  More importantly, am I willing to live for this?  So, do I think this is ABSOLUTELY positively right?..........HELL YEA I KNOW IT'S RIGHT! I wouldn't need to have life within me if I wasn't doing this!  And I intend to do this until the day that I die!"

This whole Movement is what is keeping me sane, and what has been keeping me sane since I had to experience the first break-up where I had deeply invested my feelings.  There are times when I feel as if I'm destined to walk this Earth without ever having to know of the pleasure of having some guy love me back, and there are times I try to except that explanation by talking about how I'm all in the Movement and might as well do it alone.  There are other times where I don't fall for that B.S. and I just desire to be with that guy that wants to advance out People just as much as I do.  So, I've really been on it because just thinking about the Movement and working on the Movement has helped me to forget about Andrew, though the damage is already done.
Now, it is time to review 2011 through the eyes of this young 18 year old Blackness that is a freshman at Howard University.
Going to prom and graduating from high school I gained memories that will live with me forever, and I don't regret a thing.  Sadly, though, I lost two friends, gained one of them back, and had the summer of my life with a boy I had just met!
Leaving for college, I finally got that independence I had been seeking for soooooo many years! Being independent really gave me the opportunity to do something about injustice and I got the chance to march for Troy Davis!  And I swear, marching for Troy Davis was the most satisfying thing I've experienced in recent memory! I also really got attached to someone without even realizing it till after dude broke up with me.  That was a low point.  I swear I had a million mental and emotional break downs till the point where I didn't do too well in school.  But the good thing that came out of this is that I got a chance to really look at myself and see who I was and what I wanted to be.  And now I'm changing for the better!  And I've found someone better, we're not together, but just communicating with him is a blessing!
What do I hope to get out of 2012:

1. I want to actually work to my fullest potential!
2. I want to start taking myself seriously, while also not being so hard on myself! I'm human! I deserve respect! I am a one of a kind girl!
3. I want to become a better public speaker! And become a better speaker period!
4. I want to have more confidence in myself and what I do!
5. I want to be more like Kathleen Cleaver and Angela Davis!
6. Want to hold my own on the issues, and around guys!
7. Eat healthier and workout more!

And that's what I want to hold myself to.  I always try not to have more than 10 of these so called New Years Resolutions.   But I will say, overall, 2011 was shitty, but I do intend to get better in 2012 because it is literally NOW OR NEVER!  I have to start to realize what I have, and that I am very special, and worth time!  I don't need Andrew or any other guy to tell me that!  With that being said "2012 HERE I COME!