Food For Thought

You ever have those moments where things that you have been living with for years start to all of a sudden look different?  I've been having a lot of those moments in 2014 and though it sometimes scares me, I am more often than not delighted by this second sight.  Over the summer, I started to see someone that I have known for years in a different way and that happened out of nowhere.  You know? One moment you are laughing with someone you have known for most of your life and wanting to be with them, then out of nowhere you realize that you've outgrown them.  I also had that same realization a few times with a few other people this school year, you know, there were guys that treated me the way I had always wanted guys to treat me, yet that didn't allow me to overlook the bigger picture so I did what a "big girl" does and I let them go.  But this recent eye opening event was beyond what I've experienced before.
        The other day, tears fell from my eyes as I imagined waking up and not being able to see the Washington Monument from my window, or hear that VERY loud ambulance siren, and most importantly not be able to be at Howard University.  If you have ever attended an HBCU you know that financial aid is probably the biggest struggle and as things are not great financially for me and my family, this year my mom opted not to get a loan.  I was awarded a $3,000 scholarship for the year, loans that I will be paying off until I die and yet in the end, I still had a very high balance that is keeping me from registering for classes.  I am in the final stretch of my college career.  After two more semesters I will have accomplished the biggest and best thing in my life so far, getting my college degree, and I can't imagine getting my degree anywhere else.
        For a few hours, my head throbbed in frustration and my heart broke in pain as I had to contemplate the real reality that I may not be able to afford to finish my college career, at Howard anyway.  It was a seriously scary thought.  You see, a few weeks ago when I was out in DC with a friend of mine, he asked me if I won the lottery, would I still go to college.  I told him I would.  He thought I was crazy, but I honestly and truthfully would not want to miss out on the experiences that I have had at college.  I have grown beyond anything I would have imagined and I have learned things and done things that I have been so blessed to have had an opportunity to do.  Right now I am even writing for my school's newspaper, a dream of mine even before I came to Howard.  I mean, there is so much more, but not only would I have gone to an HBCU in the end, I would have gone to Howard.  I have felt it in my soul from the very beginning that I was meant to be here.  I feel like God intended for me to nourish myself and grow on the very soil my ancestors walked from 1867 until now.
        After balling my eyes out and calming down, my mom called me and told me that she had put the loan through and that everything was going to be fine.  I was beyond elated!  I feel so blessed to have a mother that will do anything to get her daughter this opportunity.  Once I realized how close I came to being back in my hometown wasting away in the house and as a "costumer service specialist" at JCPenny's, I knew that I couldn't and wouldn't be the same anymore.  There are times where I let my bad habits stress me out and make me a bit cold toward the opportunities before me.  You know what I mean? You get so complacent in a blessing that you sometimes forget that it's a blessing.  Being at Howard University is a blessing!  Howard gave me a chance when what I thought was my dream school wouldn't.  Every minute I am here, I grow even more!
        Today, I went through my same schedule, but I had a paper due.  As I was finishing this paper I made my way to the library and worked harder than I have in a while.  But when I went to turn that paper in, I stopped and looked at the campus.  It looked different.  I mean, nothing really has changed since I have been here, ascetically, but today this campus took on a whole new meaning.  And as I walked through Douglass Hall, I didn't take it lightly that it is a pure blessing to be there.  I am blessed at Howard! Beyond blessed! And I know I can make my dreams come true here! Alls I have to do is work hard.  And today I started working with the newer more insightful me!
        I am starting a legacy for myself, for my future children and my future grandchildren and my future great grandchildren, etc.  They will be able to look back at me and say, "she graduated from Howard University.  Maybe I can too."  That scare made me reopen my eyes and see that I can't just keep getting by by pushing myself every now and then, I have to push myself all the time to be my absolute BEST.  And another thing, which was something my uncle told me yesterday, was stop focusing on things that I can't control.  And I did.  I am putting all of that useless energy into something useful and that is me striving to do my absolute best in my work!  I am a journalist, I am a writer, I am an activist, I am Black, I am a Black woman, and just as important...I am a Bison!

Peace.

DeFINING Blackness

You know when you have one of those days where you just walk around looking as if you're saying "fuck the world?"--without saying it.  I have been trying to control my mean-mugging as much as possible, but the other day I couldn't help, but to have the pain that I was deeply feeling written on my face.  And I didn't care whether or not people saw it all.  Then there was a guy that I walked pass on campus that looked to be my age or maybe a year younger that said, "damn baby, smile!"
        It always makes me feel down when I look so low and sorrowful that a stranger feels obligated to cheer me up.  But why was I pouting?  I knew, but I confused by it all.  See, every time school starts, I fool myself into thinking that I am fixed; I fool myself into thinking that I am in no need of anymore repair, but then something happens to bring my back to reality.
        And this year, my reality is that I don't truly know where I am in terms of defining who I am.
        This revelation has brought to my attention that I have come a LOOOONNNGGG way from where I was my freshman year.  I have been at Howard for almost four years and I feel like I know this place like the back of my hand.  I feel like I know the culture like the back of my hand; you have the afrocentrics who walk around campus with locks and nose rings, a lot of whom look down on other students, you have the fashionistas that walk campus with their long weaves and runway outfits like everyday is a black tie affair, you have the athletes who always seem to be wearing shirts that tell you that they play for some kind of Howard sports team, you have the business savvy students that are always dressed up like they are going to some kind of board meeting and there are many more kinds of people than I can describe or count, but my freshman year I knew where I fit in and where I didn't. And even though a part of me was hurt by that, a bigger part of me was ok with it.
        Now here I am at age 20.  I feel like I'm wandering between two worlds: one in which I am trying to hang on to what I once was and one where I am determining if I am ok with who I am now.  I have also been trying to decide if whether or not me being where I am now is a good or bad thing.  Yet, I seem to forget that I am a three dimensional person and there is no one word to describe me, just like there is no one word to describe the beauty in this picture.  This girl looks to be creative, classy, sexy, smart and she seems to not care what anyone else is doing.  I remember seeing this picture in a group of pictures from a Jean-Michel Basquit photoshoot.  And when going back and forth on which picture I should use for this post I looked through my collection and was a bit surprised, but humored that my past self loved this picture enough to save in on my computer. Lol
        With this, can't I be like that? Can't I be classy, sexy, smart and not care what anyone else thinks at the same time? Can I do all of that, twerk, drink and still be a civil rights activist that goes crazy over learning something new in Black history?
        First of all, I need to pose the question as to why I have to ascribe to anyone's esthetic of what a militant, afrocentric, intelligent woman looks like? I can't look like Angela Davis, Kathleen Cleaver and Elaine Brown...I can only look like Me! Yeah, I may wear my hair like them sometimes, but what about the times where I have a weave, or box braids, or a crop top and leggings? Does that make me less of a revolutionary? Why?!  I have my own style! I have my own ways of having fun when I'm not on my nerd-flow! I like going to parties every once in a while and I may or may not drink here and there, but I also like going to the library just to read old newspapers and to look at old pictures of the Bison that have come before me, I like to go to museums on weekends and stare at the same old beautiful lace handkerchief that Harriet Tubman wore, I like to sit at my computer for hours and write novels about times I wasn't a live to see, I like to read nonfiction books about historical people and events.
        I am growing up so much and so fast that I can't keep up with myself sometimes.  There are so many things that I used to tolerate that I can't stand now-a-days and at the same time, there are so many things that I have opened my mind to.  Man, this growing up stuff is a trip and I am at the center of it all.
        Each morning, I look in the mirror and see a beautiful stranger, someone that I had inexplicably dreamt I would be.  I mean, I don't have my dream job yet, that dream husband, and that dream lifestyle I used to find myself daydreaming about in middle school, but I am in essence well on my way.  It's funny, when I was a kid I used to think that when you became an adult, you would be this completely different person that had no memory of the desires and wants I did at that time so I prayed that I would be the same person, that I would be nice  and that I would remember who I was if I did change.  Yet I dreamt I would become this girl that was actually beautiful, talented, in-charge, confident, and a head-turner.  Here I am young Blackness!!!  I ain't where I need to be, but Lord I ain't where I used to be!
        So this question I ask myself everyday, what is defining Blackness? I guess it's just me figuring out who I am on my own terms, so not as a sex object for men, not as one of those girls that do what they can to fit in with other girls, but as Blackness doing shit on her own terms! I'm a work in progress, but the key to it all is to see that I am progressing!

Waiting On A Perfect Storm

Not too long ago, I heard of a phrase that has stuck with me ever since: you can choose to either be the river or the rock.  This phrase repeats a concept that I am still getting the hang of and this concept is that in life, we HAVE choices.  There is this whole question of free will that I won't get into today, but the thing is, life moves on whether we want it to or not.  Since I can remember, it has been hard for me to let go of people who I had grown to hold fond memories with, but yet it was easy for them to take the scissors and cut me loose like I was those raggedy edges on the side of notebook paper.  I found myself hanging on to something that was either never there or had just faded away, and hanging on made me so blind that it took me a while to see that I was hanging on alone.  It hasn't been that long ago since I realized that you CANNOT force people to stay in your life if that is something that they DON'T want to do.  At the same time, you DO NOT have to chase after people who WANT to stay in your life if that is something that they want to do.  With that being said, it's been a trying process to come to terms with the fact that I can't control the weather, but I'm getting closer and closer each time.
        You can call me stubborn if you like, but I love to hang on to things.  I hang onto words, I hang onto memories, I hang on to rements of things that no longer exist or define my present.  I mean, I don't think anyone likes letting go of things, but they just get better at dealing with it.  More than anything, People have been the hardest thing on the list to let go because I love hard.  I used to jump into the water with my eyes closed both feet in until I realized that once I opened my eyes, the waters had dried up and I was just left there to dig for more by myself.  The worst part of it was that I was aware that that person had left me out to dry, but I still yearned to have them back thinking that things would be different if they gave me another chance.  But after so many heartbreaks and heartaches, I finally told myself that I didn't want to feel that way anymore and that I was getting along pretty fine with what I had before they walked into my life in the first place.
        Then there is this whole thing about trusting God and his will.  I truly believe that he puts people into your life for a reason.  His timing is also divine as well.  From the very beginning I wonder what was the purpose that some particular person posed being present in my life and why were they in my life at that moment for that amount of time.  God always shows me the answers, maybe not when I want him to, but they do become apparent.  Life is about lessons as it is about living.  Every pain and every joy comes with a moral of the story, and I have become the woman I am today because of it all.  It's crazy too because at those moments in time, I thought that I'd never be happy again and I thought I'd never be able to go on without that person, but look at who I am have become; I am stronger and wiser, and those people that left me out to dry also brought me a gift that I cannot thank them enough for: the gift of insight.  But I also believe and have seen that God has something bigger and better planned for me and even though at times, the people in my life can be as temporary as a rental car, they bring me happy memories that show me great insight into what could be in the future with someone who won't actually take me for granted.
        As I am growing up, I am more and more determined to be my number one ally.  I want to be the one I know I can come to for comfort when everyone else is busy or won't answer their phones; I am starting to be the one that believes in what makes me who I am and I am proud of that.  Not too long ago, I used to blame myself for failed relationships or potential relationships, but today I know what I can bring to the table, how lucky someone would be to have me and now I'm just waiting on that one person that can't get enough of me.  My tolerance level for cowardice and plain ole unconcern for my feeling is growing lower, and my insight onto what I do deserve is growing higher.  With that being said, I guess it's safe to say that I love myself enough not to settle for anything less.  I mean, when people show you who they truly are the first time, you should believe it.  So at that first instance you show me something pecular, I take a mental note, but you get cut off if it happens again.  I used to chase after people because I didn't want to believe that the ugly faces they showed me were real and I thought it was my fault that they looked that way, but they were like that loooong before I came into the picture.  You can't change people or their feelings or anything else, they are who they are and they can only facilitate in their own growth because they choose whether or not they learn from life.
        Yet, it doesn't become any easier to deal with the beginning of moving on without someone you thought would be moving with you.  At first I analyze and wonder what it was that could have happened.  I sometimes turn to old habits and blame myself.  But I have begun to see how ugly that other person looks as they seemingly fade out someone who has all of these great things to bring to the table.  In the beginning I try to resist it thinking that there is something that I can do to change the tides, but it's all the more painful to feel the river crashing against me.  And whether I like it or not, the river will keep running, but I have the choice as to whether or not I will run with the river or let it run up against me.  And you know, I used to believe that if I could wait for the perfect time to just analyze everything, things will be easier. But as my teacher said today: "if you try to wait for the perfect storm, you will not move forward."  And that's always been my excuse. Let me just wait until this time, on this day blah blah blah and I will get it together, but I end up putting it off.  But not anymore because today....I CHOOSE to be the RIVER!  I want to be happy, but the only way to make things better is to DO things better and in a different way...and to stay with it even on cloudy days.  I'm done waiting on a perfect storm to come to make me feel confident in my decisions and happy as I always strive to be, I want all of that stuff TODAY!  But things are not going to be easier as time goes on, but I will get better at it.  You'll see!

Chillaxin', Reflectin' and Christmas Morals

The semester has finally ended and I finally get that time to just sit back and not have to think about school work, walking around campus pretending like it's not hard to keep my head up high, worrying about running into Negroes that I don't want to see, trying to make myself approachable, and most of all…school work.  I have been home for about two weeks now and as you can imagine, I have been sitting back and putting up my tired feet as much as I can.  What I have also been trying to do is rest this restless mind that has been running a million miles a minute since the semester started.  A lot has happened this past semester; interesting, heartbreaking, encouraging, awesome things have made my head spin, but everything happens for a reason.  And as I sit here and think about everything in the comfort of my own home as I watch my favorite Christmas specials, I am beginning to see things in a different light.
        Three out of every four Americans may tell you that Christmas is their favorite time of the year and I'm one of those three.  I have been in love with Christmas since I was little and back then it was mostly to see what Santa Claus had brought me that year.  But one thing would get me into Christmas till the point where I would pretty much force my mom to get into the holidays as well…and that one thing is the spirit of the season.  As I got older I started to ask for less till the point now where I don't ask for anything, but I still find myself excited because I love the feeling I get when this time of year rolls around.  I don't even know if I can put into words how lovely a feeling I get inside from the holidays.  And once it's all over…I look forward for next year.
        There is no more perfect time of year to just have this time to relax and reflect, especially considering all that has happened in recent months.  I celebrated my 20th birthday, had a few minor setbacks, became my own hero for once, got over a 3.0 GPA once again, I am discovering this whole new person I never knew was there and a guy I once considered to be my best friend has come back into my life hopefully to stay.  This time of year makes you open your heart to so much more and it is the perfect time to see thinks a bit clearer.  And I am beginning to feel differently about a lot of things and of course eager to go into the new year embracing this new me.

       Aside from loving the feeling of this season, I also love the Christmas specials and as you can imagine I am a fan of ABC Family's "25 Days of Christmas" movie-thon where they show the classic Christmas specials as well as originals.  I have several favorites that include, Elf, The Year Without A Santa Claus, Santa Claus Is Coming To Town, Christmas In Boston and Holiday in Handcuffs.  But there is one that I kinda liked that has made the greatest impression on me.  The movie 12 Dates of Christmas is about this woman that is so caught up in her own selfishness that she doesn't see the true meaning of Christmas.  So one day when shopping she is sprayed with some kind of perfume that knocks her out and she wakes up shortly after.  Then she completes her day as usual, but when she wakes up she is reliving that day over and over again until she realizes the true meaning of Christmas and that she has the wrong insight on certain aspects in her life.  There is a particular scene where she is walking alongside the handsome Mark-Paul Gosselaar, who plays Miles, and she confides in him that she wants to make things right with her ex who is suppose to propose to this woman named Nancy.  She told him about all the things she wished she had done differently to make the outcome different.  Well Miles keeps it real and tell her that, not verbatim, that there is only one problem and that is that she is not Nancy.  He told her that she can go back and change anything she wants, but one thing you can't change is fate.  DEEEEEEEEPPPPP RIGHT?!!!!!!!!
        One of the things that constantly plagues my mind, especially during the time of New Years Resolutions and junk, is that I always wonder what it was that I could have done differently to change a lot of the things that I didn't particularly like, but one thing I am learning now is that those outcomes were going to happen no matter what.  Though I am still in the process of trusting God and his plan, I am really starting to see that there are things that were not meant to happen and no matter how long I ponder it and overwhelm myself with the shoulda woulda couldas, there was just nothing I could or can do to change what is meant to be.  And then I think about the things that were meant to happen like me being at the school I am at…I was meant to be at Howard because I was suppose to have these experiences and meet these people and grow!  These experiences I have had in 2013 has set me up for great things and I am really looking forward to what is to come because I truly am not recognizing this person I see in the mirror today as compared to how she was some months ago and even last year and I'm both encouraged and a bit afraid, but that's all right.  New things take some getting use to, but I am more than ready to get to know this person I am discovering within myself and help her thrive and flourish!  It's going to be a long journey, but where there is no struggle there is no progress.
Let's Get It!
pEAce
                 Blackness

I Can Be My Own Hero

You know, it really resinated with me when Chrisette Michele had the nerve to say, "I'd rather play alone. (Oh, I can't be a fool anymore) No. (I don't need a game anymore)  You can play the fool yeah. (I'm gon' play my HERO, you gon' be a zero)."  The mere concept of me being a hero for myself seemed so foreign before I heard this line and I am grateful that it made its way into my head, which is known to be a complex and complicated space to dwell in.  At some point in your life, you just have to be tired of relying on someone else to come and save you because that won't always be the case.  You have to be ready and willing to be your own best friend, you have to be ready and willing to be that person you KNOW you can depend on, you have to be ready and willing to be that person you can trust with your most vulnerable secrets, you have to be ready and willing to be that person who believes in you the most, and you have to be ready willing to be that person that loves and accepts you NO MATTER WHAT!  These things have become very important to me.  It's a bit of a challenge to get use to after so many years of depending on superheroes that never came, and that nonetheless were never even super, but you know, I'm truly growing up.  I'm proud of that.
        It has been a long time since I have made a new post and Lord knows that I have tried to start something, but I would never finish.  It was either I was becoming too busy or because I felt like it was not the right time to do a post, but I feel in my heart that this is the right time.  I feel it deeply that the things that I have experienced in these past few months has lead me to this moment and this awakening.  It bites to have these feelings, but at the same time, I'm more empowered than ever.  And though it can be a scary thing for a sistah like me to have to do what is best for me, I am more willing now than ever to do so and like they say, "the only way to get better is to do better."  And if you're tired of being down, tired of stressing out and over thinking, you need to do what you have to do to change that.
        "Hit the highway. Call you a cab, give me back my keys.  Goodbye to baggage, you ain't baggin' me.  I'm gonna smile when I wave. (Goodbye-Goodbye) I can take the low road.  Ain't got no pride, I ain't puttin' up a fight.  Get out the boxin' ring, it's T.K.O tonight.  Walk that way. I'd rather play alone…"
        One thing I can say that I felt I could not say in previous semesters is that, I'm happier this time around.  I feel more empowered this time around because so many things have opened up my eyes and made me see so much.  Now it's my time to decide whether or not I'm going to face reality and do what I have to do.  What I have learned from dealing with the situations that I have dealt with and looking back on the things that have caused me pain in the past is that I always end up being fine in the end.  In the past I have been consumed with fears over losing people that were not sweating over losing me, and even these days it can be a bit of a tough thing to think about letting someone go.  But I trust that they are being taken out of my life for a reason and I know that I will get over it.
        Because of my lack of success in the romance department I am starting to grow in different ways.  Also with a combination of my growing self-esteem, I realize that I know I will make a great girlfriend and what not to someone.  I do take a genuine interest in things, even if I don't really have any prior knowledge of it, I am a great listener, I am accepting and allow people to be who they are, I am understanding, and even if I don't know you well yet, I am caring and don't like it when other people are down.  But for some reason, a lot of guys can't appreciate that and just leave me hanging and I am at the point where I'm not even blaming myself for the rejection that I sometimes face.  I have grown to believe that these guys can't do better and essentially don't. A lot of them would rather have someone that are impressed by materialistic things, someone to twerk on them at parties and show off a lot of skin.  That's not me and that will never be me.  I swear, I am too mature for these guys and I am starting to really believe that they know that I'm too good for them.
        I don't want to sound conceited and make you think that I believe I am the best thing poppin'.  I still have a long way to go before I am where I want to be, but I am at a place where I truly believe that I am deserving of something better than what I settle for.  I know that I am not ready to settle down with the love of my life yet, but I want to change the outcomes that cause me so much pain by eliminating those factors that always get me back to where I was before: *Keisha Cole Voice* "So sad and lonely."  So I have made some changes and am sticking to them! Ya hurd?!  Things that I am starting to do is trusting the process, thanking God more and praying more.
        Trusting the Process- I use to hate it when I would hit it off with somebody and then all of a sudden, they wouldn't call or text me anymore.  It's still a bit of a hard pill to swallow when someone you thought you would become close with just stops trying to be close to you.  I use to make up things that would place the blame on me because I thought that maybe there was something I could do to change that, but now that I'm thinking about it…there is nothing anyone can do.  You cannot force another human being to love you, to want to be with you, to hang out with you, to notice you, care about you, or see that they can be happy with you.  That is something they must see themselves.  If they cannot see that you are the shit, then that's their problem, not yours.  You showed them your best face, followed through, continued to show interest and they just stop texting or responding to you out of nowhere?…oh well.  I would rather not be bothered with someone that doesn't want to be bothered with me.  And it's disappointing when that happens, but I've been starting to get less and less afraid of losing people that have clearly no interest in a future with me.  I know there will be better in the future.  And I'm pretty sure the man that finally comes into my life that I finally feel I'm ready to settle down with will be pretty freakin' awesome…he will have to be You Know!
        Thanking God and Praying More-I am not religious in any way, but I am spiritual in my own way.  I am someone that believes that God does exist, but he is also what you make him to be.  Some people who are religious believes that he does not care too much about those that are not affiliated with a denomination, but the God I am getting to know does not mind at all.  But that is a whole other discussion in itself.  The main point I am trying to get at is that I am starting to really finally build a relationship with him and not just pray about the things I want, but thank him for what I have.  I know at times I can think that my world is over about what many would believe to be trivial happenings in a young woman's life.  So I have to remind myself that I have my health, I am at one of the best HBCUs in the country, my family is healthy, I have great friends and people do love and appreciate me even though there are others that can walk out on me without a second thought.  I thank him for each morning I am allowed to see and for those moments where I get extremely lucky and know that it couldn't be anything else, but a blessing.  I feel great when I show my appreciation for all of my blessings.  Then there are times when things get very very tough and I feel that there is no way to turn.  So I pray to God and ask him to help me find clarity when I feel the fog is too thick.  I pray that he gives me the strength to carry on when I feel things are impossible and I sometimes pray that he helps remind me of my blessings.  Doing these things and starting the process of really trusting him is helping me come to terms with a lot of things, while at the same time reminding me that there is better for me out here.
       "We play the game until we lose. Better to leave ya before I do.  I'd rather say, I loved a cheater and be a quitter. I'm still a winner."  Chrisette Michele says something very important here.  Sometimes you have to quit to win.  Also, it's all right to quit if you gave your best and that still wasn't enough because keeping yourself in something unhealthy will never do you any good.  Instead of pondering on the things that you feel make you inadequate, remember that you are NEVER inadequate.  If someone is not afraid of losing you, then you shouldn't be afraid of losing them! And something that I am growing to learn is that you can never chase away someone by being who you really are if they really want to be with you.  So never sweat over someone that cannot accept you for who you are and be your own hero.  You don't need someone to complete you; you should complete you. You should be the best you you can be and the rest will follow.  Success, happiness and even romance will follow.

PeACe,
                   Blackness

A Case of the Howard Blues

Yes, this happens about once a year and always leaves me eager to get back to the old grind.  Yup brothas and sistahs, I got the Howard Blues.  What's the Howard Blues?  No, I don't have the blues because I'm at Howard, but I have blues because I'm not there.  The summer is dandy and fine, but toward the middle, something happens to me that I never thought possible...I miss my school!
        See, this mere fact makes me remember that things are different from what they use to be.  When I was growing up, I yearned for summer break and even counted down the days.   Then I always dreaded the summer's end as if each day gone was another day of me walking the green mile.  Now-a-days, I'm 19 years old and I'm at the THEE BEST HBCU in the country and I can't help, but to feel a deep yearning for heading back to school.  And no matter what I have been through in college when it comes to guys, depression and grades, I can't blame it on Howard itself. (Except financial aid struggles)  With that, nothing can ever make me feel anything less than blessed, fortunate and gratified about attending Howard University.
        This year, Howard University class of 2017 is stepping on campus taking a place that once was ours and when I say ours I mean my class of 2015.  And even before us, there is rich history of nothing but the best coming in and out of this great institution.  But I remember being a freshman, nervous, but anxious to be attending college for the first time, in a whole new city six hours away from home.  The thing that got me was how welcomed I felt from everyone and I intended to pass that on to the classes that would come after me.  This year, I shall pass this on to the class of 2017 and I shall proudly do so.
        Back in 2011, I was not into social media, so I wasn't able to share experiences with those coming into my class and I was not able to share the anticipating excitement.  If I could go back in time, I wish I was in a mindset to where that would have been possible, but I was so kept to myself to where it wasn't even funny lol.  Now, I am seeing so many students so excited about coming to a school that I have been frustrated with and enjoyed for the past two years, and it warms my heart.  And it definitely gives me a case of the Howard Blues.
        Now that I am entering my third year and am finally realizing how grown up I am, I feel this is the time I can truly appreciate Howard and what it has done for me.  I have applied to be a mentor for incoming freshman at the school of communications, I have also reached out to a boy from my hometown to let him know that he had a friend from his own backyard that he can count on while he's at school, I have reached out to a rising sophomore as she fights to be a published journalist just as I am and next summer I want to help with move-in and enjoy my last summer before my senior year.
        O boy, time really does fly when you really feel like you are where you're supposed to be.  I have made some amazing friends along the way, friends I know for a fact I will have for life and they make my experience even greater.  So I am eager to get on with my third year, do better than I have done in the past, be better than I have been in the past, be risker than I have been in the past and be happier than I have been in the past so I can get the most out of my education; so I can get the most out of life pre-bills lol.
        There are only a few more days left back home before I head to my second home and I have the blues like nothing else.  I see pictures of my colleagues headed back or coming for the first time and it brings back strong nostalgia.  I also think about the people that I miss and how I shall soon be in there presence once again, something that I never take for granted.  So, though with the blues, my fever is getting higher and higher as my summer days grow shorter, but I know that I shall get well soon.  And the only cure for this damn sickness is to go back to where I belong... at Howard University.

PEACE

Inspiration