A Design To the Madness Part One: The Break Up

There are times when you want everything to go your way...actually, I have to admit that I want everything go my way all the time.  I want happy times to come all the time, I want someone to like me when I want them to, I want someone to love me when I want them to, I want someone to be there for me when I want them to be...but life doesn't work out that way.  That's evident.  Things happen for a reason, even the good things.  As for the bad, they have a bigger picture that must be seen not because you were meant to be unhappy, destined to walk this planet alone, but because you were meant for something higher.
        Helen Keller once said "when one door of happiness closes, another opens; often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that had been opened for us."  That is soooo true, truer than I will ever know and because I stare so close at the closed door, wondering what went wrong, wondering what could have been prevented and wondering what could have been done that I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.  But the thing is, there are things that don't happen for us because we weren't meant to have it, so we just have to live with that.  How can we ever live with the fact that something we always wanted just slipped right through our hands? By knowing that there is nothing that we can do or could have done, and we have to trust that everything is going to be all right in the end, that, though it may be hard to believe, there is something bigger and better out here meant for us.
        I'm not going to go into detail about the personal struggles that urged me to write this post, but what I can say is that it was a painful emotional rollercoaster that brought me to my knees.  I just can no longer live my life plagued by unnecessary stress and heartache, so I have become wiser.  Yea, I'm sad that things had to come to this, but I for once have to put myself and my feelings first.  I have to let go to get to a better place within me because only then will I realize my real worth and know I deserve better than someone that only wants to break me down.  Yes, I had met and fell in love with the type of person that wanted to break me down calling me out my name and controlling me. Do I have hostility? Yes.  Do I have sadness? Yes. Do I have resentment? Yes.  Do I wish that the reality of it wasn't reality? Hell yea, but this is all real, my eyes are open and I have to deal with that.  This is the struggle, these are the growing pains that I wish my little sister wouldn't have to go through, but how else will she become a better person without them?
        "Me, myself and I is all I got in the end that's what I found out. And there ain't no need to cry. I took a vow that from now on I'ma be my own best friend"--Beyonce...I remember singing that song with my classmates on the school bus when I was in elementary school, but it's funny that only when you grow up and live and learn that you finally realize what the hell you were singing.  There was another instance in the song where she says "me, myself and I. I know that I will never disappoint myself. I must have cried a thousand times. All my ladies if you feel me help me sing it out.  I can't regret all the time I spent with you; yea you hurt me, but I learned a lot along the way. After all the rain you'll see the sun come out again..." I FEEL YOU MY SISTAH! Those words could not been said more plain! I've cried, I've asked all the questions I needed to ask, I still have some anger built up inside of me by the way things ended with this guy, but you know, you can choose whether or not to be happy, he can't choose for me.  I choose to be happy and Blackness is going to help Blackness move forward because Blackness is the best friend I will ever have; I knows exactly what I need, I know exactly how I feel, I can relate to me better than anyone else can, and I damn sure can love myself better than anyone else can.  You know, I can take myself to low places, so I don't need anyone to help me...and more importantly, I can only get myself out of these low places.
         It really is me, myself and I, yeah I have my friends and family, but I'm with myself 24/7. I have to rely on my inner strength to get me through yet another tough break up, the toughest so far.  But one thing is for sure, I'm a lot stronger than the first break up I had in college, that break up set me up for handling this situation with flying colors...so I'm proud of how I am getting through this.  I did all my crying, and I'm at a point where he's not worth any tears and now I'm ready to move on without him.  So here I am and I'm ready to go!
Enjoy the video below by natural hair queen Taren Guy! It sparked something in me that's got me moving forward and I'm ain't gonna let nobody turn me 'round!

 

Peace