I still can't fathom the fact that I have just finished my first year at college! It was an experience that I will never forget and cherish for the rest of my life. At the same time, there are MANY mistakes that I made and I'm still dealing with the consequences of those mistakes, even though I'm trying hard to recover from them to this day.
My first semester was definitely Bad, yes, capital "B" included and though I recovered in the second semester, I still can't get over it. The few people that know what my grade-point-average was in the first semester tell me the same thing, "oh it was your first time being away from home and you just had to get use to things." While that is partially true, I also had the misfortune of getting my heartbroken which did not do my well in most of my classes. With this, I still see myself as a failure and for the longest time thought that no matter how great I would do in the future, the failure would haunt me and give me a disadvantage. In a way it can. In a way, it might, but it DEFINITELY doesn't mean that I have to fail again!
Recently, a Yale graduate named Marina Keegan died in a car accident days after her graduation. She was young, talented, and was definitely going places. The thing that struck me the most about her was that she was a writer just like I am! And though we were at different stages of our lives, different ages, different schools, different races, that one simple passion for writing is why I feel we are connected. So I was compelled to read some of her work and when I did, it immediately motivated me. She wrote:
"What we have to remember is that we can still do anything. We can change our minds. We can start over. Get a post-bac or try writing for the first time. The notion that it’s too late to do anything is comical. It’s hilarious. We’re graduating college. We’re so young. We can’t, we MUST not lose this sense of possibility because in the end, it’s all we have."-- "The Opposite of Loneliness" by Marina KeeganThe sense of possibilities? The Sense of Possibilities...she said that's all we have...and she's right! I came home so focused on getting revenge on a love, which did nothing but drag me in and out of a deep depression. I came home thinking that things were going to be different when it came to having a social life, but that only made me feel the lowest I've felt in a long time! Now who is Blackness? Blackness doesn't have a million friends, but she also doesn't have drama. One of the most important things though is that the small group of friends that I have care about me and love me! We've literally been through thick and thin! And I know that they want me to be successful just as I want them to be! And no number can substitute the love and support I need from my friends!
With the revenge on love thing. I've come to the same conclusion that I had to come to not too long ago:YOU CAN'T MAKE SOMEBODY LIKE YOU!!!!!!! No matter what you do, no matter what you say, if somebody doesn't like you at the time, then that's just it; you can't change people! I can't change people! So why am I wasting time?! Why am I letting this consume me and obscure my purpose?! This summer, I'm working really hard to love Me over him! I'm choosing to love me and respect me the way I love and respect him, more than I love and respect him! Because see, I'm young and it's not too late to start over! It's NOT too late to make myself happy by loving myself and working hard to get what I want and what I deserve! IT'S NOT TOO LATE!
The summer is not over, and I still have a lot of work to do! Thank you Marina Keegan for helping me to realize this!
Peace & Love,
Blackness
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